


Light's Misery

by Serahne



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Light and L are smug bastards, Misa is Annie Wilkes and it's not pretty, Misery AU, Other, Still less than Misery so that's already something, These three have the weirdest relationship ever, This fanfiction is also very pretentious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6397069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serahne/pseuds/Serahne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a car crash, L, the successful author of Death Note is rescued by his 'number one fan', Misa Amane. Soon, the young woman's obsession for the main character of his serie, Light Yagami, becomes dangerous. Do you know, L ? Something doesn't need to be real to kill you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light's Misery

> _When Light observes the world around him, the people he sees everyday, the gap between him and everything else is so glaring that he hardly believes he is the only one who noticed it. It's just there, invisible and unbridgeable, all around him. He dreams that this gap exists for a reason, and he frantically looks for hints, an indication that the Universe has something for him, somewhere, anywhere, a higher purpose which would justify his feelings. As he gets older, this idea stays in a corner of his mind. He is waiting, always, for his destiny to fall from the sky. He doesn't tell anyone, of course, because all that sounds really pretentious and unreasonable and he knows no one would be able to see that it's a matter of survival, for him. If he stops waiting, then what would keep him from throwing himself from the nearest bridge ?_

**_Death Note,vol.1, chap. 1 « The Fall », p. 6_ **

 

 

 

**I.**

 

L has the impression to be on an inflatable boat in the middle of a roaring sea. He holds on to it so hard he can feel his muscles starting to tetanize. His arms hurt, his chest hurts, his legs – oh his poor legs – he tries to not to think about his legs actually, because anytime he does, the agony is so overwhelming he can't help but let go. His precarious ship slips away from him and he the force of the waves engulfs him. After an undetermined period of time, he manages to drag himself back in the boat and the misery starts again, more violent than it was before, until the next unavoidable drowning.

  
There is no need to be a genius to know that none of that makes sense, and by some incredible hasard, L happens to be one of the most brillant mind of his generation. He knows that he isn't on a ship and that there is no ocean around him but it seems like his wonderful mind chose to turn the waves of pain and unconsciousness he is fighting against in choppy waters and when he thinks about it, it's not that surprising : it's actually the kind of metaphor he could use in his own novels. He is almost proud to be able to create some beautiful poetry when he is half out of his head with pain.

  
Another unknown amount of time – one hour, one month or even one millenium at this point he doesn't really care – L realizes that the moments where he is unconscious are few and few. It's both a wonderful and a terrible development. Wonderful, because L hates the blurry feeling he gets when he slogs his way out of nothingness. Terrible, because the suffering doesn't take any holiday and even seems pretty keen to take over. When it's really unbearable, he prays every gods he doesn't believe in and they never answer, because gods are jerks, and the pain growth, since it's the only thing it can do, and he wants to scream but his body is nowhere to be found and he gets scared that maybe he is paralized for life.

  
It's possible. He knows what happened, after all. He remembers everything, even if his memories are jerky and unclear. He was in his car, on the way to the Wammy's House, and of course, he was pretty confident that he would be able to drive through the storm. His wheels began to skid on the alphalt, and then... well, the cliff. He can't remember the moment where he touched the ground, but he definitely remembers falling.

 

_Well, Lawliet. For someone who claims to be always right, you have to admit that when you are wrong, it's pretty amazing._

 

The voice inside is head isn't his friend, he knows that much. It's a mischievous, almost malevolent voice and L really doesn't want to listen to it. He wants a nice drowning to forget everything – he is really fed up with this stupid inflatable boat. If he has to suffer like this his whole life, then he'd rather die right now, thank you very much. Better than being stuck with himself until the end of times.  
The annoying voice is back, amused.

 

_Come on, L. You consider the rest of humanity like a bunch of ants. Sure, they are funny to examine, and you probably spend hours with your magnifying glass looking at them, trying to understand how their tiny little brain works. You watch them all day long, and if they are unlucky, well, it's a sunny day, and a couple of them burn. What a waste._

 

L wants to ignore the voice – it's not his. Oh, he knows the voice doesn't come from the Outside either ( on this topic he feels a little aggrieved that he can not hear anything, with all these stories about people asleep for years who remembered everything that happened around them after they've woke up ) but it's not his either, no matter how familiar it sounds. And yes, he probably should be a little concerned about it, but L is in pain and he is so tired, and when Nothingness comes to sweep him away, he doesn't resist.

 

**II.**

 

_You are pathetic, the voice kindly tells him when he is back on the boat, his whole body aching._

 

I know this voice, L thinks. I know this voice and I don't like it. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't remember this voice's identity and he eventually gives up – to be fair, he has bigger fish to fry, his own situation for once. Where is he ? At the hospital ? It seems like the most likely possibility, if he isn't slowly dying at the bottom of a pit right know. Has the Wammy's House been contacted yet ?

  
While he is trying to gather his thoughts and to think logically, the voice keeps talking, but it's way more easier to not listen to it when he has something else to focus on. And if there is one thing he is sure of, it's that the voice will not help him. It's dangerous, and even if he isn't sure how he knows that exactly, he is sure that most of people who listened to this voice in the past are dead, and L, if he has any chance to make it through this crisis, doesn't want to die.  
Be quiet, he thinks. Be quiet and let me think. He tries to focus his attention on something else, anything except for this stupid ( no, not stupid, if it was stupid it wouldn't be dangerous ) voice. And finally, after all this time, he hears it.

 

The Outside.

 

It sounds pretty sweet and after a couple of hours, L realizes that it never stops talking. It says meaningless words like « the weather is nice today » and « I think you're doing better ». The Outside is as boring than L remembers, but it's enough to cover up the voice, so it's not that bad.  
Sometimes, the Outside gets upset. « You are not going to die » it says. « You can't die ! What will become of me without you ! And what about your other fans ? What will they say ? ». It sounds hysterical.

  
L hasn't thought about his fans at all, though, honestly, he doesn't feel too bad. He is a selfish being, after all, and a near-death experience, in his opinion, is terrible enough for him to get a free pass on that front. He also knows that his fans are just as selfish than he is : in the event of his death, his fans' main reaction would probably be something like at least he died after writing the last volume of Death Note so I guess it's okay. Some of the greatest masterpieces in the history of mankind were incomplete, true, but if he hadn't be able conclude his serie because of something as ridiculous as his death, his readers would have cursed him until their last day

 

Now that he almost never passes out anymore, the pain is starting to bother him again. The voice refuses to stay quiet and the Outside is always more annoying. He wants to scream at it to shut the fuck up but he can't, of course, and that's humiliating.

 

_You are going to die, L, the voice whispers._

 

But L really doesn't care, the voice is a liar, and he almost wants to laugh at it, because no, he isn't going to die. He wasn't sure until now, but the voice is trying to trick him and he knows it's a trick and he know he is going to be okay. The Outside is going to save me, he thinks. I'm not sure where I am, maybe at the hospital and maybe not, but I'm going to wake up and after that I will kill you.

  
L has no idea where all this hostility comes from, but it sounds logical and familiar, so he doesn't linger too much on this question. The voice doesn't answer. It laughs.

 

Weeks later, he will think that the voice was probably trying to warn him.

 

**III.**

 

« I had to cancel a photo shoot, today. They weren't happy. ( L doesn't know who « they » are but the Outside obviously doesn't like them ) They just don't understand, I can't leave you all alone, that would be horrible. I'll call them later, though, so I can't eat too much. I never eat too much, to be honest, I can't really eat sweets – It's so sad, I love baking pastries but I don't want to throw everything away. Well, Rem really liked my cakes, but I'm not sure it's good for her health. After you wake up, I will make you some cakes... »

 

He is not at the hospital, and even if the promise of fresh desserts is very appealing, he is worried. He also noticed that the Outside's voice - whose rambling never seems to stop - is always the same, which means that there is only one person taking care of him. He didn't hear Quilish voice, and the only conclusion he can get from this observation is that Quilish hasn't been notified of L's state.

  
Why isn't he at the hospital ? It's the only thing he can't understand.

 

_Because you are dead L. Dead people don't go to the hospital, they go in Hell. Please, enjoy your stay._

 

The voice is back and L has no intention to be mocked this day.

 

'Who are you' ? He asks, aware that talking to himself is probably not the symptom of a perfectly-sane mind. But it's alright, he isn't talking to himself, per say. An inner dialogue is way more acceptable, and you are not a true artist if you are not a little crazy anyway.

 

_God._

 

'I don't believe in God. Try again.'

 

_That's your problem, not mine. You not believing in my existence doesn't make me less real. And you are going to burn, L. You know Hell is the only place for murderers._

 

'I've never killed anyone', he replies, truthfully. He knows he shouldn't listen to the voice, it's dangerous, but he can't help it.

 

_Liar. You killed me._

 

And suddenly, just like that, L knows who the voice belongs to. He is surprised he wasn't able to recognize it before – he has never met someone who talks as much as Light Yagami.

 

_You took your time to find out. I'm disappointed._

 

But L doesn't even feel irritated by this voice – why would he be ? Light is the first character he ever created, and the one he built Death Note around. He remembers spending nights thinking about him, refining every nook and corner of his poisonous personality, losing himself in the twists and turns of his brain. He remembers obsessing so much over this character that soon he could hardly distinguish the creation from the real. After the first volume's release, he spend all his time on websites dedicated to his novel, grinding his teeth any time Light was discussed. They were all so stupid. They liked him for all the wrong reasons, and hated him for reasons that were even worse. L stopped going on these websites after that – he didn't want to look down on his fans.

  
Of course, all this happened years before. Light was doomed from the start, he was never supposed to become a god, and his archnemesis, L – he gave him this name on the first draft and didn't expect it to keep it but his editor found very original to name a novel's antagonist after the author's name – was meant to win. And with this idea in mind, the passion he had for Light died off just as suddenly it had appeared on the first place. The only thing he wanted to do was to end the serie once for all, and to torture Light as much as possible in the last volume before ending his story nicely with a heart attack.

  
I've killed him, he thinks in wonder. A couple of days before, the accident, he finally completed the sixth and last volume of Death Note and is now supposed to send his manuscript as soon as he is at the Wammy's House – he really hopes he didn't sleep too long, Naomi tends to be scary any time he neglects his deadlines.  
'I've killed you, Light, you bastard', he taunts him. 'And it's impressive how you managed to ruin my life, all theses years where I only dreamed of killing you. You did your best to stay alive as long as possible, but in the end, there was never going to be a positive outcome for you. You are dead, and you deserve it.'

 

_You know, in other circumstances, I could agree with this mindset, Light says, in an ironic-but-detached tone but failing to hide the bitterness lingering behind._

 

L wants to laugh. Light lives in his own little world, where ink on a note can kill and where everything revolves around him – just how L decided it would. He knows every details of Light's world, but Light doesn't know a thing about L's. In L's world, cars fall into ravines for no other reason than bad luck, and Light Yagami is only one charismatic character among many in a novel that will probably not be remembered in a century. It's kind of sad, but Hell will freeze before he feels pity for Light.

 

_My supporters will punish you. They will come for you and they will kill you, because that's the proper punishment for idiots who think they can defeat God._

 

'Alright, Light', he thinks, condescending. 'Stay in your insane world, I ran away from it without looking back at the moment where I typed the word « end » on the last page of Death Note. Have fun, and I hope to never hear of you ever again'.

 

Then, he opens his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, welcome. It's the first time I'm writing in english, it's the first time I'm writing a multi-chaptered serie, so I'm a little nervous and unprepared but since I came back in the Death Note fandom I was burning to start writing again, so here it is. A Misery!AU, probably not the fluffiest thing out there but once the idea is stuck inside my head, it's almost impossible to destroy it, so here we go. I don't even really know where I'm going ( I mean, I know where the plot is going, obviously, but as for the writing ? Not at all ) but hey, what's life without some unplanned stuff, right ?
> 
> This first chapter is short but I think it's pretty stuffed in informations and background. But obviously, the Plot with a "P" will start next chapter, with the meeting between L and Misa. It was way easier to write than this first chapter - I'm pretty sure the translation will be just as complicated but that's already something.
> 
> On this note, I'm really looking for a beta-reader. Sometimes I'm the kind of person who can quickly become frustrated if I can't translate it right, so if someone was willing to give me their unput, I would be forever thankful.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, leave me comment if you want ( have you ever read Misery ? seen it ? I'm a little curious ) and I'll see you as soon as possible.


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